keep on plodding

Extroverts - people who grow sad when left alone.
Introverts - people who are happy and content in their solitude.

I'm an introvert. A real one. I notice that extroverts love hopping on bandwagons - if at a party, someone says they like something, EVERYONE likes that. If I say I'm an introvert, suddenly everyone is an introvert. Uh huh. This is potentially good, and bad. Good, in that people tend to feel happier when they find people that are like them. Bad, for people like me, because we can see right through the transparency, and feel more alone. We also less special because everyone claims to have what we have, and our uniqueness is what we often take the most pride in.

Not only that, but extroverts believe there is something sad about introverts - that we need to be "fixed." People think that by meeting many people, you can take and share a lot with them and make yourself a richer person than otherwise. I would never choose this kind of life. The life of an introvert is one of unique niches that no one else can do better. By being an extrovert, you become assimilated into a collective. In some way, you resemble your peers. An introvert resembles no one.

I studied martial art once. To some extent, I resembled my peers, shaped by them and my instructors. I saw something wrong with the way of martial art, and I left. I now teach a small class of my own. I shape myself to teach what I wanted, so I resemble no one. I offer something unique and valuable.

I played a game called DotA once. To some extent, I resembled my peers. I picked up the lingo, the attitude, the religious fervor for becoming a stronger player. I saw something wrong with this, and left to teach DotA on my own. I shaped myself to become a teacher I wanted to be. I resemble no one. People flocked from around the world to learn from me. I offered something unique and valuable.

Only in introversion can you create unique value. This is why I'm an introvert, and will never, ever, "fix" myself by becoming extroverted.

But, that said, get a load of this:
"women do twice as much housework as men on average. Mums do an average of five times as much with their children as dads."

I do at LEAST four times as much housework as both of my housemates combined. I put the real number at about 6 times as much. You are probably thinking "that's garbage, sif you do that much." Well, when you do the dishes, take out the trash, and clean ALL the time, you will ALWAYS notice when you don't have to do it.

Imagine working 7 days a week. Or going to school 7 days a week. Doing something, anything, 7 days a week.

Then imagine that on the seventh day, that you don't have to work because it has been done for you. You can relax.

You would fucking notice. And I did too. I -do- notice when work is done without me. I do four to six times, perhaps more, housework as my housemates and I fucking know it. I fucking know it because the kitchen cannot withstand a half hour of their presence without getting messed up again.

I am suffering some sleep deprivation. Last night I stayed up doing some fucking dishes and cleaning the kitchen because it was a fucking PIG STY. I cancelled on going to dance classes tonight, and I'll have to cancel on performing in 3 weeks time as a result - to catch up on sleep. I woke a few hours ago to see the kitchen messed up again. For. Fucks. Sake. I then see them blissfully relaxing in front of their computer, my computer, enjoying their free time. Blissful ignorance of any work that should be done.

I left the kitchen. I clean it anyway because cleaning is what I do, but I don't do a perfect job. I'll save the perfect job for my own bedroom which won't get spoiled as long as I keep the door closed. There's only two creatures in this world I let in there - my friend Alix and the housecat Vala. More on them some other time.

I signed on to MSN. With hardly any wait, I get a message. It's from my bestie, Babs, down in Melbourne. All anger disappears. It's like I've been this giddy and happy all day.

I sign on to facebook. One of my crushes is online. I asked her if she'd like to check out the local dining - I figure she'd surely like something more interesting than Subway now and again. She said yes :]



I desperately need my own space, my sacred time -alone-. My time to shape my own being. And I need people. Just enough to keep my demeanour bright and shiny.