Some time ago, I wrote down the things I need to be happy. A short list, of only 7 things, which should be easy to get. They were:

I also blogged elsewhere, the 10 Rules of being Human. In particular, this rule:




I've realised, that I do not have those things, and that I am also wrong.

1. I do not have a best friend. I have no one that I am bursting to tell my news to. Instead, I'm suppressed by the overflowing news I hear from everyone else. People who don't care for the happenings of my life. Things boil within me instead of bursting out.
2. I do not have a best skill. My martial arts skills are worthless, my dance skills are worthless, my academic skills are worthless. This is irritating.
3. Well, I do have a favourite food. Several in fact. Thank goodness.
4. People do not make me happy. Only my "best friends" make me happy, but as I said, I no longer have them. How annoying.
5. I have not had anywhere near as much time alone as I need.
6. There isn't a whole lot I can do about this. Even more annoying.
7. No, what I have is not enviable.

Also, the rule of happiness is wrong. If a person cannot be happy "here", that doesn't condemn them from being happy "there". What about depressed people who can recover?



So, since this blog doesn't have any followers besides me, something is going to change. I'm not going to devote time to writing posts on the things that I have learned, unless I really want to. I'm only going to record those things that make me happy, the things that would be worth sharing to my best friends if there were any. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start recording my dance freestyles. :]

My new list of happy things is:

1. A best skill. Just dance for now. Martial art and drawing later.
2. My students.
3. A favourite food.
4. Hugs.
5. Time to look back.

And also importantly, is my list of sad things that I keep letting eat me.

1. Being "me" as other people have decided. My life belongs to me.

People often tell me that I look good in many different ways.

"God, you're sexy."
"You have a pleasant look."
"Holy s#!7 you're huge."
"Your muscles are like, poking into me. 0.0"

And so on. But I've never really believed any of it; I thought that being my friends and so on, they were biased. But recently, I've thought a little more about what "looking good" means.



We've probably all been there. We have a friend who decides that for some reason, they don't look good, but we believe they look fabulous. How can this be? More specifically, how is it that two people can look at the same person, have differing opinions on how that person looks, yet both be correct?

I saw one of my girl friends today, and she thought she looked horrible, because she had an infection that everyone could see. She saw herself, and felt bad that she looked sick and not as great as she normally does, so she believed she looked bad. But for me, when I see her, I only see her, so I feel good when I see her and thus, I think she looks good.

Both of us are right! A person looks good if looking at them evokes some kind of good feeling. We could feel good when we see a person with green eyes because everyone we've met with green eyes has been lovely. And in the same way, we could feel bad when we see a person with tattoos we feel that people with tattoos are inclined to hurt us, and so on. This applies both to other people, and ourselves when we look in the mirror. Association is a powerful thing.



What does this mean in the real world?

• When a person tells me I look good, and I think I look bad, it's cruel of me to destroy their good feeling by telling them they're wrong.
  
• This is also a nice way to explain to someone who is self conscious about their appearance, why they definitely look good, and they can't argue otherwise, as sad people tend to do.
  

It's been a while since I posted, and the main reason I'm posting now, is that it seems someone is still viewing this blog! So to whoever that is, this post goes to you.

I've posted a lot of little ideas and thoughts here and there, but I think by far the most important thing in life is simple happiness. I've thought that I would be happy, or happier, upon having perfect skin, perfect teeth, a bigger room, and so on. And I probably would be happier, for a little while at least. But I realise now, I've been happy in the past with things I can have again with almost no trouble.

You're probably old enough to have some idea of what makes you happy, but I find it rather relaxing to try writing these things down. Defining them so I now value them just that much more, and strive more to have and treasure them, makes me happier still. :]

1. A best friend - Things like your first kiss, first win, first everything, you have to tell these things to someone. Ideally, one person who you love to bits, and desperately want to hear the news. Someone to hang out with, give and get presents from, doze on each other's shoulders, life is bliss both when I'm just thinking about being with this person and actually being with this person. :]
   
2. A best skill - The one thing that keeps me up at night AND gets me up early. The thing I do better than anyone else in the world. The thing I read about, and whose champions I idolise and aspire to beat. A skill that doesn't need any "point", its point is to keep me happy and feeling alive. Fun to do, and also gives me kudos from being good at it, that is, a circle of fans and people who come to me to benefit from my knowledge.
3. A favourite food - People sometimes say that it's best not to play favourites, but I completely disagree. Having a food that you would cross oceans for because everything about it makes you feel wonderful, is real happiness.
4. Being with people - Strangers or friends, I do love the company of people in the right setting! Laughing in the arcade, laughing in the restaurant, laughing in a club, laughing is always best and right with other people.
   
5. Being alone - The only time I can realise what it is I value most and treasure it, what I need most and attend to it, is when I am alone. Spending minutes, hours, even days, just attending to my own every need and want, reflecting on the things and people I love, is refreshing and liberating.
   
6. Good hair - If I walk out of my house with bad hair, I can't feel confident, and will feel self conscious all day long completely irrespective of what anyone says. I won't dress as well, I won't prepare properly, because no amount of work elsewhere can overcome a bad hairdo. If I walk out with what I think is good hair, I go all out and prep everything else to go with it. I feel the eyes of other people on me, good and sexy :] Which leads very easily to being happy!
7. Realisation that what I have is the envy of many - I once kept pining for what others had, but there are so many people I've met who tell me how much they envy what I have and ask me how to have them. Not only am I happy to know this, I'm happy to teach them how to obtain it for themselves. Happiness around for all.
   

I continue to return to this list, and realise that with how simple it is for me to be happy, there's no reason for me not to be happy all the time.

Everybody hurts themselves sometimes, whether we realise it or not. Possibly the most common way, is how we can destroy ourselves with how we perceive our flaws. And the most unfortunate part of finding and identifying our weaknesses, is that it gives a small illusion of power. That we're taking control, finding out what's wrong, then fixing the chinks. Just like smoothing over the nicks in a car's paint job, once started, there's no stopping until it's perfect.

When we look for our weaknesses…we may feel somewhere between somewhat satisfed to utterly self destructed. If that is all we feel, why bother doing it? Why don't we do the reverse - that is, find strengths and make them stronger instead?

I grabbed a bit of paper and wrote down everything positive I could remember people have ever said about me. I chose not to write down anything I thought of myself personally; only the words of other people were written down. So even though I thought myself to be ugly, people have only ever said that I was cute, so down that went. It was quite addictive. I stopped myself from going into my email archives to find random nice things my friends had said about me, which would surely have taken all week.

And I felt great. I've been tempted to keep the paper on me for others to see and write on, but for now I've kept it only as another personal motivator in my wallet.