keep on plodding

I'm a single guy, so the only person responsible for ensuring my well being and happiness is myself. This is a problem, because imagine this:

A suicidal person cheering themselves up.

Ridiculous right? But somehow, I can cheer myself up, by myself, by looking at these.

• What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. Colette
• There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. Beverly Sills.
• It's easy to do anything in victory. It's in defeat that a man reveals himself. Floyd Patterson
• There are no labyrinths you cannot get out of.
• It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. Eleanor Roosevelt
• Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables. Spanish proverb
• You will always pass failure on your way to success. Mickey Rooney
  

And finally, the one thing that I can always count on:


Bouncing about, dancing, fighting, these are my Best skills, the things I do which I can do better than anyone else. I can always count on doing these to enforce my value of myself, to myself. But in particular, Dancing, I can do on my own. I can always count on my dancing shoes when there is no one else to save me.

So. I went out for a friend's 23rd birthday party Saturday night. Sunday morning. Whatever. It ended with me taking abuse from a stupid leather skinned creature with blood of ethanol. You may know them as "bogan bitches". About 5 minutes later I was thinking of all the witty lines I would have liked to throw back at her, but of course that's too slow. Like a hermaphrodite snail. The french call this problem "L'esprit d'escalier".

I'm no party animal. I'm a social introvert, I'm about to graduate from a Software Development major, the majority of my life I lived as a VietCatholic of imposed rules of purity. Teachers loved me, kids went to me for homework answers, y'know. I'm an Asian Geek. For others, when they are invited to go out, they think "yeah! Sounds fun, see you there!" For me, I perceive it as almost an experiment, a chance to observe social interactions, a test of the adequacy of my so called social skills.

I'm not horrifically socially inept, as I found. Just a little uneducated when it comes to the laws of clubbing, as they apply to me. For one, in a club full of beautiful people, unless they talk to me first, don't bother! Shoulda known that from watching 10 Things I Hate About You. Ah, that movie has so much wisdom.

Seriously though, it bothers me a little how the rules of social interaction, completely change when you add night, music and alcohol.
It bothers me a little that if I start feeling up a girl without an invitation she'll just laugh and give me drinks, but if I start talking to get to know her she dances with someone else.
It bothers me a little that if a girl traces her fingernails all over me, runs her hands through my hair, feels my pecs, scratches my abs, etc, etc, that it's not actually sexual. It's just like saying hi I suppose?!

It doesn't bother me in the sense that I'm upset. It bothers me in the sense that I wish I had learnt more of this earlier. Gotta think about going clubbing some more I guess!