keep on plodding

No beautiful writing or poetry here.

As magical and perfect the First kiss sounded, it was only the first half of the story.

She said a lot of things to me. Things like:

"I've been waiting for so long for this!"
"Do you realise how adorable our kids would be?"
"Do you have any idea how adorable you are right now?"

Soon after though, she told me that she was not "girlfriend" material.

Mixed messages like this can completely screw a regular guy's mind. For little me after my first kiss, she may as well have written the instructions for a suitable way to commit suicide as well.

The past 3 days have been an emotional rollercoaster of emotion for me. You might already know what this is like, but understand something; on a "normal" day, my emotions are only "grayscale", i am either emotionless, or "fake happy". You know, the "happy" you use when someone tells a joke and you've long since stopped caring. My emotions are normally gray. To suddenly experience a complete spectrum - from bubbling ecstasy, raging and completely illogical fury to teary depression in such a short time is taking a toll on me.

I don't know what I'll do next.

Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. How do you like being a doormat? omg I JUST LOVE IT BRING ON THE PAIN BRING IT